Coping Mechanisms

I am a 30+ African American Woman from an extremely large family. I am well educated, some would say over educated if they knew how much I owed in student loans. But yet I find myself unmarried. I think I’m cute. I’ve been told that I’m attractive. I have extra weight that I can stand to lose, but I hear from men all the time “if I were single I’d definitely date you.” Little do they know that doesn’t make me smile inside or give me a glimmer of hope like it would some women. It actually pisses me the bleep off. Because then I begin to think, well why didn’t you when you were single? Or what exactly does that mean? Or if that were true, and you knew someone who was single and nice why wouldn’t you hook me up if you believe I’m so datable?

But that’s just me. Someone else may hear that and get a twinkle in their eye and pep in their step. But to me it’s just another reminder of the lack of available men out there. The odds of me hitting the Mega Millions or the Powerball are around 1 in 176 Million, and 1 in 183 Million respectively. But at least I can buy tickets for a chance twice a week. What are the odds of meeting my soul mate? How do I buy tickets for more chances? If I can throw my hat in the ring for millions of dollars twice a week, shouldn’t there be a way for me to do the same to find a mate?

The tiled background of this page is that of a bridesmaid. Wearing an ugly purple dress, and she herself doesn’t appear to be Ms. America. Is she single? Is she married? I don’t know. But what I do know is that she’s in a situation that she has to cope with. Hers is wearing an ugly dress, walking down the aisle before a beautiful bride while having hundreds of people look at her, judge her, and wonder WTH is wrong with her…Yes I said it. WTH is wrong with her.

That’s the stigma that single women face. They use the adage that “there’s a reason you’re single”, and each day you’re single it’s almost like you are a carton of milk on a shelf. Worse than that your co-workers, family, friends, acquaintances, people at the grocery store, etc have all given you an expiration date. Worse than that their thinking WTH wrong with you? Something has to be. There’s some mathematic equation to answer the question of why you’re still single.

So the answer to this is referred to as coping mechanisms. How do you cope with this? Do you cuss them out? Tell them F you I’m perfect its men that are the problem? Do you internalize it to say maybe I am F’d up and who would want me? Or do you just accept, this is my situation, hopefully it will change, but perhaps it won’t?

I can’t answer that for you. If you have any good coping mechanisms please share. What I do know is that I don’t have a Scarlett letter on my chest for being single. I know that there are some reasons I am still single, and I know other times I’m like F him, he was the problem. But none of these are proper way to navigate through a life of singleness.OR being the bride’s maid in an ugly ass purple dresss! If you have tips on wearing the purple dress and wearing it confidently, with hope, and being glam while wearing it, share it!