Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hmm does the world need to know he's crappy?
So I haven’t blogged in a while…Sue me! Lol. I still have a lot of family drama going on with my father’s illness. You never know the true character of a person until there is a catastrophic illness/hospitalization. If your parents, grandparents, etc, are still alive, make sure that there are parameters in place BEFORE an illness. Trust me; the vultures will take advantage of your lack of planning!
In any event, I wanted to discuss a website that I saw on twitter today. Had to share it for whatever value you feel it carries. The website is www.crappydads.com . Women can sign up to place pics of their ex’s, as well as stories of their love affairs gone wrong-all while outing the father of their children for not paying their child support.
In any event, these men deserve to be OUTED. In some way. But is the internet the best way to do it? One day the child (children) involved will see the negative comments their mother made about their father. I can’t imagine that will help their self-esteem. Even though it doesn’t help a child to have wants and needs while its father is out in the street living the life. I just feel that a crappy dad takes things a little too far.
However, before I say yes to another date….I will run him through the sex offender registry and through www.crappydads.com !
In any event, I wanted to discuss a website that I saw on twitter today. Had to share it for whatever value you feel it carries. The website is www.crappydads.com . Women can sign up to place pics of their ex’s, as well as stories of their love affairs gone wrong-all while outing the father of their children for not paying their child support.
I ADMIRE any man, black, white, whatever, who pays their child support or takes care of their children.Mostly I admire the new women of the men who admonish their men to take care of the child they had in a prior relationship. When my mother married my father, he came with the baggage of ten children from two prior relationships, and after the mother of the first set of children kicked them out, and the mother of the second set passed away, my mother was faced with the task of taking in all of her husband’s children.
In any event, these men deserve to be OUTED. In some way. But is the internet the best way to do it? One day the child (children) involved will see the negative comments their mother made about their father. I can’t imagine that will help their self-esteem. Even though it doesn’t help a child to have wants and needs while its father is out in the street living the life. I just feel that a crappy dad takes things a little too far.
However, before I say yes to another date….I will run him through the sex offender registry and through www.crappydads.com !
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Oh Boy, I need better interview questions!
Interviewing is my livelihood. I’ve worked in HR since I was 22. I interview for a living. I ask questions, asses’ body language, practice active listening and ask the same questions four different ways to see if I get five different answers. As a single woman we are taught to interview potentials at some point in the game. Not on the first date! Please don’t become Katherine Heigl in the “Ugly Truth” bringing a list of qualities and questions to the first date. Wow that’s kind of scary, though after being subjected to two seasons of “What Chilli Wants”; it seems that there are women out there that are that… (searching for politically correct term….STUPID).
However, through the process of telephone conversations, emails, dinner conversations etc, we should interview subtly or overtly. There’s no sense of investing months into a person who never wants to marry, or want children (if you do), or believes that women should be barefoot and pregnant, and you are a career woman. Most of us do our due diligence in this area, asking questions, keeping mental notes, remembering what he said, etc.
There have been several points in my life where I’ve been as low as I feel I could ever be. The first was in 1999 when the guy who had been my on again, off again boyfriend, as well as friend since I was eleven, was robbed and shot. He later died at the hospital on July 28. July 28 was my oldest sister’s birthday 45th birthday. My oldest sister, Patty took care of me as if she was another mother. She had been having a few health problems, and she didn’t have health insurance. 27 days after her 45th birthday, she was rushed to the hospital unable to breathe, four days later (31 days after her birthday); I was the last person to see her before she expired.
Fast forward to five years later, I quit my job that I had been at for five years to join a new organization. It was a bad decision, and it was rocky from the start. Because I was in transition, I had no health insurance. Within a month of joining the new company I had to be hospitalized for pneumonia, after being released from the hospital (the same weekend) I was in a car accident with other people, days later my neighbor backed into my car, and two weeks later my brother, Richard Jr. was hospitalized for kidney issues. He died three days later. Less than two months later, I was laid off from my new company.
Recently, I had a baby niece pass in the summer, a baby nephew pass away at the end of February, house burglarized, financial problems, and my father in the hospital for surgery.
I obviously can’t answer this question. If I could I believe I may find the key to unlock the reason for my singleness. We as women sometimes get caught up in the interview process about credit scores, does he rent or own? What’s his career aspiration? Does he want five children like I do? These are all great questions. How about asking, tell me about a trying time in your life and how you dealt with it? Have you ever had a relationship with a woman while she was going through adversity? Tell me about how you reacted to her adversity.
Let me tell you, if he can’t remember when he’s had adversity, or can’t remember a time when a woman in his life been through anything and he was there….I’m not sure he’s a quality candidate. It’s only when you’ve experienced life that you know how to effectively deal with it. Meaning if he’s never been through ANYTHING there’s no way he can transfer any prior experience to deal with you and your issue(s). Even if he has had adversity, carefully listen to how he explains he dealt with it. Therein lays the answer to if he would allow you to have your process, no matter how long it takes, or if he wants you to get over it so he can go back to being the center of your attention.
BTW, if you haven’t had an issue yet, live for a while! No one is exempt from life’s ups and downs. The key is to have someone by your side that you can depend on in your darkest hour.
And with that….add tested character to your list!
However, through the process of telephone conversations, emails, dinner conversations etc, we should interview subtly or overtly. There’s no sense of investing months into a person who never wants to marry, or want children (if you do), or believes that women should be barefoot and pregnant, and you are a career woman. Most of us do our due diligence in this area, asking questions, keeping mental notes, remembering what he said, etc.
There have been several points in my life where I’ve been as low as I feel I could ever be. The first was in 1999 when the guy who had been my on again, off again boyfriend, as well as friend since I was eleven, was robbed and shot. He later died at the hospital on July 28. July 28 was my oldest sister’s birthday 45th birthday. My oldest sister, Patty took care of me as if she was another mother. She had been having a few health problems, and she didn’t have health insurance. 27 days after her 45th birthday, she was rushed to the hospital unable to breathe, four days later (31 days after her birthday); I was the last person to see her before she expired.
Fast forward to five years later, I quit my job that I had been at for five years to join a new organization. It was a bad decision, and it was rocky from the start. Because I was in transition, I had no health insurance. Within a month of joining the new company I had to be hospitalized for pneumonia, after being released from the hospital (the same weekend) I was in a car accident with other people, days later my neighbor backed into my car, and two weeks later my brother, Richard Jr. was hospitalized for kidney issues. He died three days later. Less than two months later, I was laid off from my new company.
Recently, I had a baby niece pass in the summer, a baby nephew pass away at the end of February, house burglarized, financial problems, and my father in the hospital for surgery.
I thank God that I’ve survived all of it. So this isn’t a gripe blog in any way!The point is that in all three stages I was in a relationship of some sort. Hard times, trials, tribulations require the person who you are seeing to have character. The true test of a man’s manhood is how gentle he can be in a true time of need. Here’s our test as women. How can you truly test his character before you invest too much time? Who wants to find out when they are burying their sister that the man in their life can’t handle pressure, or can’t put himself to the side enough to find comforting words, or do little things to take a woman’s mind off of things?
I obviously can’t answer this question. If I could I believe I may find the key to unlock the reason for my singleness. We as women sometimes get caught up in the interview process about credit scores, does he rent or own? What’s his career aspiration? Does he want five children like I do? These are all great questions. How about asking, tell me about a trying time in your life and how you dealt with it? Have you ever had a relationship with a woman while she was going through adversity? Tell me about how you reacted to her adversity.
Let me tell you, if he can’t remember when he’s had adversity, or can’t remember a time when a woman in his life been through anything and he was there….I’m not sure he’s a quality candidate. It’s only when you’ve experienced life that you know how to effectively deal with it. Meaning if he’s never been through ANYTHING there’s no way he can transfer any prior experience to deal with you and your issue(s). Even if he has had adversity, carefully listen to how he explains he dealt with it. Therein lays the answer to if he would allow you to have your process, no matter how long it takes, or if he wants you to get over it so he can go back to being the center of your attention.
BTW, if you haven’t had an issue yet, live for a while! No one is exempt from life’s ups and downs. The key is to have someone by your side that you can depend on in your darkest hour.
And with that….add tested character to your list!
Friday, February 25, 2011
What’s your Identification?
There are things about me that are easily identifiable. If a stranger pretended to be a close family member my friends can ask them my favorite foods or drinks the failure to answer correctly will allow my friends to deduce that this person really doesn’t know me.
In my diverse life of relationships, I’ve had several acrimonious endings. It’s hard to go back and inventory what each person commonly possessed that made the relationship end in disarray. Wait! If I’m looking for a common denominator should I inventory them….or me?
I recently had a conversation with a male friend who I knew had some personal problems, but I didn’t know to what extent. When he came clean reality punched me in the damn face! Wow. HE NEEDS ME! Uh Oh...Common Denominator. I FEEL THAT HE NEEDS ME!
I think I found my I.D. I am often attracted to, and attract men that I think I can help. See there’s a difference between being good for someone, and being supportive of someone; versus having them need and depend on you. It’s unnatural. We as women should not wear our maternal badges with our men...nah uh, I want him to see me as a sexual object not his mom or sister. We insult them by doing that, and reduce him to a son like state instead of his alpha male state.
Common “HE NEEDS ME”
He has problems with his kids…I’m helping them build a better relationship with them. Sometimes he needs me to help him shop for them and occasionally babysit. His kid’s mother is a trip; I give him advice dealing with her, because he doesn’t understand women.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He just needs my help in picking out interview clothes, looking at job search sites, and knowing how to interview. I mean really, how would he know how to job hunt if I don’t help him?
He’s in business. I’m helping him… Why should he read books if I’m smart enough to do it all. He appreciates all that I do for him, it’ll make our relationship stronger…*blank stare*
He’s trying to buy a car...Why not let him borrow mine until he gets one. They’re expensive. He can drop me off from work and pick me up. Or it’s not that much of an inconvenience if I catch the morning train in and he picks me up from work.
There is a difference in two people who are MARRIED and therefore ONE assisting each other to the point of total sacrifice. Helping him is helping me and therefore us. If you are UNMARRIED even in a COMMITTED relationship, there are ways to help, but not going to the levels of extreme. For instance if you hear of a job, tell him about it but don’t go around town dropping his resume to get him an opportunity. Let him be the man in the relationship and take the lead in his own life.
God forbid if you are uncommitted. He will respect you more if you just talk to him about it, letting him vent. But if you print out a job posting for him... that’s just weird.
These are all some of the He Needs Me I came in contact with. Each time I had them I reacted differently.
Let’s just review the truth
He has problems with his kids…He has problems with his baby mamma...Girl he doesn’t pay damn child support! And he’s cheap with his time and his money with his kids... The baby mamma ain’t feeling him and his kids are smart enough to see right through him, and you just spent your money so he can get credit for doing something his trifling ass should done all along.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He doesn’t want a damn job…So he’s going to keep letting you print out job search leads while he pretends he doesn’t know how to use job search sites. And instead of you saying go to the library and learn you baby him like he’s a 14 year old boy.
He’s in business. Who gets the profits from his business? Whose business is it? I’d tell him to call the local college and get a free intern...Unless there is a contract where you are paying me…I can’t do it! It’s just business.
He’s trying to buy a car...Wake up and smell the motor oil. He’s banking that money; he’s not trying to buy one I had this one happen to me. He was driving my car to cheat on me while I was at work and his little money he saved he used for the wedding, when he eventually married her...
Know your ID…SO YOU CAN I.D NEED/WANT GOOD/BAD! Remember help in the right perspective to assist, not to do... Remember he should see you as a sex symbol not mommy or babysitter! Unless the man is Oedipus, no man wants sex with mommy!
In my diverse life of relationships, I’ve had several acrimonious endings. It’s hard to go back and inventory what each person commonly possessed that made the relationship end in disarray. Wait! If I’m looking for a common denominator should I inventory them….or me?
I recently had a conversation with a male friend who I knew had some personal problems, but I didn’t know to what extent. When he came clean reality punched me in the damn face! Wow. HE NEEDS ME! Uh Oh...Common Denominator. I FEEL THAT HE NEEDS ME!
I think I found my I.D. I am often attracted to, and attract men that I think I can help. See there’s a difference between being good for someone, and being supportive of someone; versus having them need and depend on you. It’s unnatural. We as women should not wear our maternal badges with our men...nah uh, I want him to see me as a sexual object not his mom or sister. We insult them by doing that, and reduce him to a son like state instead of his alpha male state.
Common “HE NEEDS ME”
He has problems with his kids…I’m helping them build a better relationship with them. Sometimes he needs me to help him shop for them and occasionally babysit. His kid’s mother is a trip; I give him advice dealing with her, because he doesn’t understand women.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He just needs my help in picking out interview clothes, looking at job search sites, and knowing how to interview. I mean really, how would he know how to job hunt if I don’t help him?
He’s in business. I’m helping him… Why should he read books if I’m smart enough to do it all. He appreciates all that I do for him, it’ll make our relationship stronger…*blank stare*
He’s trying to buy a car...Why not let him borrow mine until he gets one. They’re expensive. He can drop me off from work and pick me up. Or it’s not that much of an inconvenience if I catch the morning train in and he picks me up from work.
There is a difference in two people who are MARRIED and therefore ONE assisting each other to the point of total sacrifice. Helping him is helping me and therefore us. If you are UNMARRIED even in a COMMITTED relationship, there are ways to help, but not going to the levels of extreme. For instance if you hear of a job, tell him about it but don’t go around town dropping his resume to get him an opportunity. Let him be the man in the relationship and take the lead in his own life.
God forbid if you are uncommitted. He will respect you more if you just talk to him about it, letting him vent. But if you print out a job posting for him... that’s just weird.
These are all some of the He Needs Me I came in contact with. Each time I had them I reacted differently.
Let’s just review the truth
He has problems with his kids…He has problems with his baby mamma...Girl he doesn’t pay damn child support! And he’s cheap with his time and his money with his kids... The baby mamma ain’t feeling him and his kids are smart enough to see right through him, and you just spent your money so he can get credit for doing something his trifling ass should done all along.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He doesn’t want a damn job…So he’s going to keep letting you print out job search leads while he pretends he doesn’t know how to use job search sites. And instead of you saying go to the library and learn you baby him like he’s a 14 year old boy.
He’s in business. Who gets the profits from his business? Whose business is it? I’d tell him to call the local college and get a free intern...Unless there is a contract where you are paying me…I can’t do it! It’s just business.
He’s trying to buy a car...Wake up and smell the motor oil. He’s banking that money; he’s not trying to buy one I had this one happen to me. He was driving my car to cheat on me while I was at work and his little money he saved he used for the wedding, when he eventually married her...
Remember somehow this man survived 20, 30, 40, 50 years on this earth before he met you! He’s got this!He doesn’t and shouldn’t NEED YOU, he should WANT YOU! Because the moment the NEED is filled, he’s out.If he wants you, he’ll continue to be there and appreciate YOU not what you DO!
Know your ID…SO YOU CAN I.D NEED/WANT GOOD/BAD! Remember help in the right perspective to assist, not to do... Remember he should see you as a sex symbol not mommy or babysitter! Unless the man is Oedipus, no man wants sex with mommy!
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