In my diverse life of relationships, I’ve had several acrimonious endings. It’s hard to go back and inventory what each person commonly possessed that made the relationship end in disarray. Wait! If I’m looking for a common denominator should I inventory them….or me?
I recently had a conversation with a male friend who I knew had some personal problems, but I didn’t know to what extent. When he came clean reality punched me in the damn face! Wow. HE NEEDS ME! Uh Oh...Common Denominator. I FEEL THAT HE NEEDS ME!
I think I found my I.D. I am often attracted to, and attract men that I think I can help. See there’s a difference between being good for someone, and being supportive of someone; versus having them need and depend on you. It’s unnatural. We as women should not wear our maternal badges with our men...nah uh, I want him to see me as a sexual object not his mom or sister. We insult them by doing that, and reduce him to a son like state instead of his alpha male state.
Common “HE NEEDS ME”
He has problems with his kids…I’m helping them build a better relationship with them. Sometimes he needs me to help him shop for them and occasionally babysit. His kid’s mother is a trip; I give him advice dealing with her, because he doesn’t understand women.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He just needs my help in picking out interview clothes, looking at job search sites, and knowing how to interview. I mean really, how would he know how to job hunt if I don’t help him?
He’s in business. I’m helping him… Why should he read books if I’m smart enough to do it all. He appreciates all that I do for him, it’ll make our relationship stronger…*blank stare*
He’s trying to buy a car...Why not let him borrow mine until he gets one. They’re expensive. He can drop me off from work and pick me up. Or it’s not that much of an inconvenience if I catch the morning train in and he picks me up from work.
There is a difference in two people who are MARRIED and therefore ONE assisting each other to the point of total sacrifice. Helping him is helping me and therefore us. If you are UNMARRIED even in a COMMITTED relationship, there are ways to help, but not going to the levels of extreme. For instance if you hear of a job, tell him about it but don’t go around town dropping his resume to get him an opportunity. Let him be the man in the relationship and take the lead in his own life.
God forbid if you are uncommitted. He will respect you more if you just talk to him about it, letting him vent. But if you print out a job posting for him... that’s just weird.
These are all some of the He Needs Me I came in contact with. Each time I had them I reacted differently.
Let’s just review the truth
He has problems with his kids…He has problems with his baby mamma...Girl he doesn’t pay damn child support! And he’s cheap with his time and his money with his kids... The baby mamma ain’t feeling him and his kids are smart enough to see right through him, and you just spent your money so he can get credit for doing something his trifling ass should done all along.
He’s really trying to get a or a better job. He doesn’t want a damn job…So he’s going to keep letting you print out job search leads while he pretends he doesn’t know how to use job search sites. And instead of you saying go to the library and learn you baby him like he’s a 14 year old boy.
He’s in business. Who gets the profits from his business? Whose business is it? I’d tell him to call the local college and get a free intern...Unless there is a contract where you are paying me…I can’t do it! It’s just business.
He’s trying to buy a car...Wake up and smell the motor oil. He’s banking that money; he’s not trying to buy one I had this one happen to me. He was driving my car to cheat on me while I was at work and his little money he saved he used for the wedding, when he eventually married her...
Remember somehow this man survived 20, 30, 40, 50 years on this earth before he met you! He’s got this!He doesn’t and shouldn’t NEED YOU, he should WANT YOU! Because the moment the NEED is filled, he’s out.If he wants you, he’ll continue to be there and appreciate YOU not what you DO!
Know your ID…SO YOU CAN I.D NEED/WANT GOOD/BAD! Remember help in the right perspective to assist, not to do... Remember he should see you as a sex symbol not mommy or babysitter! Unless the man is Oedipus, no man wants sex with mommy!
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