However, through the process of telephone conversations, emails, dinner conversations etc, we should interview subtly or overtly. There’s no sense of investing months into a person who never wants to marry, or want children (if you do), or believes that women should be barefoot and pregnant, and you are a career woman. Most of us do our due diligence in this area, asking questions, keeping mental notes, remembering what he said, etc.
There have been several points in my life where I’ve been as low as I feel I could ever be. The first was in 1999 when the guy who had been my on again, off again boyfriend, as well as friend since I was eleven, was robbed and shot. He later died at the hospital on July 28. July 28 was my oldest sister’s birthday 45th birthday. My oldest sister, Patty took care of me as if she was another mother. She had been having a few health problems, and she didn’t have health insurance. 27 days after her 45th birthday, she was rushed to the hospital unable to breathe, four days later (31 days after her birthday); I was the last person to see her before she expired.
Fast forward to five years later, I quit my job that I had been at for five years to join a new organization. It was a bad decision, and it was rocky from the start. Because I was in transition, I had no health insurance. Within a month of joining the new company I had to be hospitalized for pneumonia, after being released from the hospital (the same weekend) I was in a car accident with other people, days later my neighbor backed into my car, and two weeks later my brother, Richard Jr. was hospitalized for kidney issues. He died three days later. Less than two months later, I was laid off from my new company.
Recently, I had a baby niece pass in the summer, a baby nephew pass away at the end of February, house burglarized, financial problems, and my father in the hospital for surgery.
I thank God that I’ve survived all of it. So this isn’t a gripe blog in any way!The point is that in all three stages I was in a relationship of some sort. Hard times, trials, tribulations require the person who you are seeing to have character. The true test of a man’s manhood is how gentle he can be in a true time of need. Here’s our test as women. How can you truly test his character before you invest too much time? Who wants to find out when they are burying their sister that the man in their life can’t handle pressure, or can’t put himself to the side enough to find comforting words, or do little things to take a woman’s mind off of things?
I obviously can’t answer this question. If I could I believe I may find the key to unlock the reason for my singleness. We as women sometimes get caught up in the interview process about credit scores, does he rent or own? What’s his career aspiration? Does he want five children like I do? These are all great questions. How about asking, tell me about a trying time in your life and how you dealt with it? Have you ever had a relationship with a woman while she was going through adversity? Tell me about how you reacted to her adversity.
Let me tell you, if he can’t remember when he’s had adversity, or can’t remember a time when a woman in his life been through anything and he was there….I’m not sure he’s a quality candidate. It’s only when you’ve experienced life that you know how to effectively deal with it. Meaning if he’s never been through ANYTHING there’s no way he can transfer any prior experience to deal with you and your issue(s). Even if he has had adversity, carefully listen to how he explains he dealt with it. Therein lays the answer to if he would allow you to have your process, no matter how long it takes, or if he wants you to get over it so he can go back to being the center of your attention.
BTW, if you haven’t had an issue yet, live for a while! No one is exempt from life’s ups and downs. The key is to have someone by your side that you can depend on in your darkest hour.
And with that….add tested character to your list!
