“As long as I have God I don’t ever want another man in my life, I can stay single until I die”
I sat there with my classic blank stare. Then I responded “sweetie you were made for man, and the bible states that a woman’s desire shall be for her husband. I understand being hurt, and not wanting to be hurt, but wanting to live the rest of your days without comfort?”
She went on to talk about how her pastor feels that single women have the hand of God on their life more than married women. The topic came up because I was mentioning how I want to meet Mr. Right; she told me that I didn’t need a man in my life. I can spend the rest of my days just as I am. I don’t want to go further into that conversation because its heartbreaking to me that someone who has so much life left would let THEIR OWN bad decisions in the PAST shape what their future is, and furthermore would suggest to a woman with no kids in her 30’s, to NEVER want to get married…
Now before you go defending what she’s saying, let me say that I am not an advocate of chasing after men, hunting them down, and dragging them to the alter to force I Do’s from him. But I believe in being open to the right one when he comes along and putting the right vibes out there to get him. Then after you date him you tie him up, hook him to the back of your pick up, and hogtie him to a pew in the church forcing I Do’s
I was validated in my thoughts when listening to Pastor Joel Olsten. He made a very moving point this morning. It is completely NORMAL to desire intimacy. It is a reflection of God’s desire to be intimate with us. Ladies…If you are single please don’t’ let ANYONE tell you that it’s wrong for you to want someone in your life. God made me to be caring, smart, wonderful, and splendid; did He not want to share that with anyone? Did He make me without wanting me to affect man whom I was made for?
The more realistic way of thinking should be that I don’t ever want another man in my life whose purpose is to destroy it. I want a man who wants and loves me, not someone who wants to emotionally and mentally rape and pillage me. I want he who He has purposed for me, not he who I chose out of loneliness.
On this Sunday, I want to encourage single women that it is okay to desire. You are a woman! Unless you are dead every part of you inside and out should desire intimacy. It’s how we channel and deal with that desire that often gets us in trouble!
I should state that conversation happened a few months ago, and now she is casually seeing an older Christian man who is happy to date her without premarital sex.... Perhaps I got to her more than I thought
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! As a woman in my 40s who was very active in church, I too had been told that very same thing. But inside I knew that being single all my life was not for me. It would entail denouncement and denial of all the natural feelings and desires God has given me. One thing they (the church) never point out is how the Bible states that it is not good for man (mankind ) to be alone and for reasons that are obvious. We've seen in various religions how this can lead to other kinds of sin and unnatural acts. It is very natural for a man or woman to desire companionship; that was by Perfect Design as God started this off by creating Eve for Adam so that he wouldn't be lonely. U can love God in the spirit but God created mankind to share love for each other in the flesh or naturally. Desire for companionship is very natural, normal, and Godly...
ReplyDeleteWonderful, truthful, and honest comments Yvette. First off, I'm not going to let anyone who is laying next to a warm body at night tell me that it's wrong for me to want that for myself. As Christians and as women in general we have to learn to discern someones intent when they give you advice. Telling a woman not to have a desire to be married and have lifelong companionship is setting her up for failure and disappointment.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, to deny yourself an honest emotion is harmful. Realize that you have it, and channel it appropriately, but be honest about your desires and wants, without letting someone tell you that their wrong.